Non-Religious Readings

Traditional, Secular Readings for Your Wedding Ceremony.

These are readings for a traditional wedding.  They may have been read at your parents wedding!  I would consider these to be g-rated, traditional wedding -friendly. 

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The Art of Marriage
 Wilferd A. Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage, the little things are the big things…
It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding, and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual, and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner. It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

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from "Union"
by Robert Fulghu

"You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with "When we're married" and continued with "I will and you will and we will" - those late night talks that included "someday and somehow and maybe"- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, "You know all those things we've promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word." Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another-
acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife”​

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To Love is Not to Possess 
by James Kavanaugh

To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one's self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
It is finally to be able
To be who we really are
No longer clinging in childish dependency
Nor docility living separate lives in silence,
It is to be perfectly one's self
And perfectly joined in permanent commitment
To another–and to one's inner self.
Love only endures when it moves like waves,
Receding and returning gently or passionately,
Or moving lovingly like the tide
In the moon's own predictable harmony,
Because finally, despite a child's scars
Or an adult's deepest wounds,
They are openly free to be
Who they really are–and always secretly were,
In the very core of their being
Where true and lasting love can alone abide

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From The Bridge Across Forever
Richard Bach

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person, we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life."

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Love Sonnet 17
Author, Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
Secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving 

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close

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Love Me
Walter Rinder ​

​Love me because I try to touch life within the framework of uncertainty
Love me in the shadows in decisions as I strive to gain knowledge
Love me in the silence of my hurts and the noise of my confusions
Love me for the feeling of my heart not the fears of my mind
Love me in my search for truth though I may stumble upon fallacy
Love me as I pursue my dreams sometimes retarded by illusions
Love me as I grow to know myself even during the times of stagnation
Love me because I seek harmony not man's discord
Love me for my body that I wish to share with affection, wrapping you in warmth
Love me because we are different because we are the same
Love me that our time together will be spent in growing, kindling the world with understanding
Love me not with expectations but with hope I will love you the same.

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Today I Marry My Best Friend
by Bertrand Russell

Today I marry my best friend.
The one I have laughed and cried with,
The one I have learned from and shared with,
The one I have chosen to support, encourage and give myself to,
Through all the days, given to us to share,
Today I marry the one I love.

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You're The One For Me​
by Dallas Fisher

You're the one for me.
Your eyes are like fire on a cold winter's day
Your soul burns within me
Your touch blossoms my innermost passions
And your voice melts my heart.

You're the one for me.
You are the key to unlocking
My most sacred fantasies.
You're the one for me,
The one that wakens me 
When I'm at my deepest sleep 
With your passionate ways,
The one that rivets me with
Your beautiful, unique face.

You're the one for me.
You are the one that I want to share
My life, my love with for all eternity.
I will love you always and forever.

You're the one for me.

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 All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
 Robert Fulghum

All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
These are the things I learned…
 
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad. Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
 
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

 I do not claim to be the original author of this script. I am sharing it like this to make it easier for anyone to use.

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​I love you
 by Roy Croft

I love you, not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out;
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern, but a temple; out of the works of my every day not a reproach, but a song.
I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.

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I Love You
 Carl Sandburg

I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are going to be.
I love you not so much for your realities as for your ideals. I pray for your desires that they may be great, rather than for your satisfactions, which may be so hazardously little.
A satisfied flower is one whose petals are about to fall. The most beautiful rose is one hardly more than a bud wherein the pangs and ecstasies of desire are working for a larger and finer growth.
Not always shall you be what you are now. You are going forward toward something great. I am on the way with you and therefore I love you.

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How Do I Love Thee?  Let Me Count The Ways.
Sonnet 43
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints – I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! – and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death

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Why Marriage?
By Mary Nichols-Haining

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body. 
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won't hold them against me, 
Who loves me when I'm unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who looks for the divine potential of me. Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me, with someone I feel blessed to hold. Because marriage  means opportunity to grow in love and friendship, because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements, because marriage do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole. Because knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness. I create me. I take half of the responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness. I create me. I take half of the responsibility for my marriage. Together we create our marriage.
Because of this understanding, the possibilities are limitless. 

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From Blue-Eyed Devil
Lisa Kleypas

"I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together."

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Once in a Lifetime

Once in a lifetime you find someone special,
Your lives intermingle and somehow you know..
This is the beginning of all you have longed for,
A love you can build on, a love that will grow.
Once in a lifetime, to those who are lucky,
A miracle happens and dreams all come true.
I know it can happen, 
It happened to me.
For I've found my 
"Once in a lifetime"
With you. 

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Today I Married My Best Friend
by Rachel Elizabeth Cooper

Today I married my best friend,
Our bond complete, it hath no end,
We share one soul, we share one heart,
A perfect time - a perfect start.
With these rings we share together,
Love so close to last forever,
This special day - two special hearts,
Let nothing keep this love apart.

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These words were written by the one and only Mr. Fred Rogers. Never too old or too late to hear his message. ​

When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong along with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade. And of course the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way. ... It’s what’s inside us that matters most. You can really love someone else when you really love yourself. ... As human beings our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have. Something inside which is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression. ... Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now, and to go on caring, even through times that may bring us pain. 

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Everything I Needed To Know  I learned in Kindergarten - Homily

​I wrote this as a homily for a wedding ceremony I performed when I was first starting out.  When the bride and groom first met they found out they both had this favorite passage from Robert Fulgham in common.  It was great because a year later they actually had a little girl!  That wasn't the only time that happened.  A few years later a couple chose this as a way to incorporate their children into their ceremony.  Turns out the bride was pregnant at the time and didn't know it!

Today, Name and Name are not just getting married.  They are becoming a family. There are also many families here today.  We want to honor that and talk about how much kids know and how they can possibly help their parents.  The poem is by Robert Fulgham's Everything I Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten.

Robert Fulgham points out:

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

(And, May I add, This is how they apply to marriage)

Share everything.

That goes without saying, You are married now. The remote, your
Rickerpop, Bandwidth, paychecks and diaper duty
Don’t forget, feelings, hopes, dreams, desires and many hugs and kisses.

Play fair.

Yes, even when you are not perfect, as none of us are, remember there are two sides to every story and both sides are real and indeed valid!  It is not an argument you are trying to win. It is an understanding you are trying to find and with that comes a deeper and truer love. You are no longer children.  This is an adult relationship to last a lifetime.

Don't hit people.

Well, that goes without saying. It's not something you can take back, you have children - it's a felony.

Put things back where you found them.

You know, toothpaste tops, car keys, Wouldn’t hurt to fill up the gas tank if you borrow the car.  Always put the kid's car seats back where you found them!

Clean up your own mess.

This is not only referring to socks or dishes.  If you did something to make the other person upset, make amends.  It’s easier to clean it up right away than to allow it to sit and fester.  Better a sponge, a paper towel, or a Clorox wipe, even a mop or vacuum cleaner.  It beats an exterminator, a drywaller or a fire truck if you let the mess fester.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

I could joke and refer to the last beer or cookie but in reality:

Remember that you are two becoming one today in marriage but that you will always be two distinct individuals that come together to make yourselves better by your union and what makes that great is the two of you as individuals.  Always allow the other to be themselves and learn from them, allow them to make you better because of who they are. By allowing each other to grow as individuals you will bring bigger and better into your marital mix.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

This would also go back to the cleaning up your mess part.  

Wash your hands before you eat.

Take a shower, shave, brush your teeth for- well, you know what I mean...  ;-)

Flush.

With that, let it go.  There are things you will continue to learn about each other.  The good and the interesting. If it is less then good, come to terms with it and then let it go.  Flush it away and move on. It also has to do with forgiving and forgetting. Just let it go.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Steven, remember this is especially true during pregnancy.  And Brude, remember this on Christmas Eve when Groom is trying to put the doll house of a million pieces together.  

Live a balanced life -

That includes the checkbook

Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance.

Start today, on your wedding day and then remember to do it every day.  Dance around the kitchen or the bathroom. Make your life a dance to enjoy.

And play and work every day some.

And, may your work, be play

Take a nap every afternoon.

And not only on your honeymoon, but remember to love each other every day as you love each other on your honeymoon.

When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic.

And remember that traffic can do all sorts of things.  Make sure you are always watching out for each other, keep each other safe.  Be each other’s best friend and know when to push each other to be better and know when to let go. And know when to pull each other out of harms way!! This is the most intimate of relationships, you will deal with so many things.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, but don’t ignore it either.

Hold hands and stick together.

And may you be a very old couple holding hands walking down the street that make people stop and think about and talk about how cute you are!

And Lastly:

Be aware of wonder.

Be aware of the wonder that each of you are.  The wonder of your marriage. The wonder of your family if you are blessed with children and the wonder of how much more amazing life is because you are married.  It is a sacred union that you are not entering into lightly.

You did indeed learn all these things in kindergarten. But today, you begin a whole new part of your adult life where you are called on to apply all that you have learned.  

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