This is a template that I use when I send you your ceremony document. I send you a link to a Goolge Shared Document so we can literally be on the same page at the same time.  I'm always updating this trying to make it as user friendly as possible.  I want you to have fun and enjoy the process of choosing your ceremony.  If that's not for you, no worries!  I can ask you a few simple questions and choose a ceremony for you and fill in the details. 

​This page contains examples of how others have personalized their ceremony, or how I have done it for them.  Sometimes it helps to read and see what I'm talking about!

Maybe you are writing your own wedding ceremony or maybe you are putting together the program for your wedding before you send it off to the printer and you are asking yourself, how exactly does this work?  Are there different parts of a ceremony and, what are they called?

The first thing I want to point out is, there is no right or wrong.  There are no absolutes.  If you are getting married in a church or religious institution, they have a set way of performing a wedding.  Ask them what that is and then use their information to print your program.  (Trying to decide if you should print a program? Click Here)  If you are writing your own ceremony or working with a professional wedding officiant, it’s really up to you what you put in your wedding ceremony.  I’ve put this website together for myself and the couples I marry and anyone else who would like to use it.  There may be other words people use or have been traditionally used. This is my personal version and it’s always open to revision.  I want you to have the wedding ceremony you want and I make suggestions and share my experiences so you have more information to make your own decisions. If I’m your wedding officiant, I look it as my job to support your decisions.  ​

It has become very popular to announce an unplugged ceremony.  It's when you ask your guests to silence and put away cell phones and refrain from taking pictures during the wedding.  There are opinions about this and it can be worded in many different ways. 

Many venues provide cute signs, or you may choose to invest in one for your ceremony thinking it will do the trick.  I think the signs are really cute but I think it's better to say something at the right time during the ceremony so guest actually get the message. 

This is not for everyone - and for more than one reason.  You may know your family better and know it's pointless to ask!  Some couples simply ask guests to stay seated during their ceremony instead of standing up and taking pictures. Some couples want you to keep the wedding off of social media.  

I talked to a  photographers that said she offers a discount if you announce an unplugged ceremony! ​

This is something new - at least to me.  You can choose to give your guests an opportunity to use their phones to take a picture  - all at the same time during the ceremony.  You might choose to do it at the beginning or at the end before you are pronounced married.  It can be fun!

Family, friends, honored guests, on behalf of Name and Name, I would like to warmly welcome you to the celebration of their marriage. They wish to express their gratitude for each of you who has chosen to be here today.  During the ceremony this afternoon, we respectfully request, in a moment, that you silence and put away all cell phones and cameras so we can all be fully present in this moment.  But first, because it’s become human nature to want to take a picture during monumental moments such as this, if you’d like, while everyone is standing up here looking absolutely perfect, this is the official photo moment of the ceremony! So, everyone who wants, now is the time to take a picture! And then, we will put our phones away and get to the marrying! 

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Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, welcome to Name and Name's Wedding!  I ask that you silence your phones and refrain from taking pictures during the wedding.  There are professional photographers here to catch all the important moments.  They will happily share those pictures with you when they are done.  Thank you very much, and let us begin…

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us today.  Before we begin the ceremony, I’d like to ask you to refrain from sharing anything about the ceremony on social media until the reception.  Name and Name are coming together today in the celebration of their marriage and would like the focus at this time to be on the ceremony.  Thank you.  Let us begin!

Father in heaven, You ordained marriage for your children, and you gave us love. We present to You Name and Name, who come this day to be married. May the covenant of love they make be blessed with true devotion and spiritual commitment. We ask that You, God, will give them the ability to keep the covenant they have made. When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity; when mistrust is a temptation, give moral strength; when there is misunderstanding, give patience and gentleness; if suffering becomes a part of their lives, give them a strong faith and an abiding love. Amen.​

Welcome Everyone!  Thank you for traveling from far and wide to be here today as Name and Name are joined in Marriage. Each of you has played an important part in their lives helping to make them the people they are.  Your love for them has fueled the fire for them to find the true and lasting love that we celebrate today.  They are grateful for each you and are honored by your presence here with them today.  ​

This day will be filled with love and joy and laughter and will pass more quickly than can be imagined.  The couple has requested a brief pause to reflect and absorb this moment in their lives; to look, listen, and feel; to fix these sensations in their memories for years to come. Let’s also take this moment to remember those who are not here with us today.  Those who were unable to be here and those who have gone on to greater things.  We know they are here with us in spirit.

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Love has brought Name and Name together. But what do we mean by love? When we love, we see things other people do not. We see beneath the surface to the qualities, which make our beloved special and unique. To see with loving eyes, is to know inner beauty. And to be loved is to be known, as we are known to no other. We who love, can look at each other’s life and say, “I touched his life,” or, “I touched her life,” just as an artist might say, “I touched this canvas.” “Those brushstrokes in the comer of this magnificent mural, those are mine. I was a part of this life, and it is a part of me.” Marriage is to belong to each other through a unique and diverse collaboration, like two threads crossing in different directions, yet weaving one tapestry together. The secret of love and marriage is to be in love and in trust, to know in your hearts that you want only the best for each other. It takes dedication, to stay open to one another, to learn and grow, even when it is difficult to do so. And it takes faith, to go forward together without knowing what the future holds for you both. The true art of married life is an intimate, interpersonal journey. It is a mutual enrichment, a give and take between two personalities, which diminishes neither, but enhances both  It is, ultimately, the emergence of something greater than the individuals could never be alone. ​

Name and Name, your love for each other is what has brought you to this day and it will be the foundation of your marriage and your life together.   May your love create a safe haven for you both on the journey that lies ahead of you. Remember to lead with your hearts and take the time to do the simple things that will nurture your love. Deeply listen to each other—to your dreams, and to your frustrations. Be helpmates. Be playful in finding new ways to give your love anew to each other every day.  Let your love be an inspiration to others to reach for what is good within us all. May your love be so abundant that you have plenty to share with the rest of us as well. It is your love that has brought us together here today. May it grow deeper and sweeter with each passing year.

Marriage is the beginning of a new life, a chance at fulfilling long held dreams, and an opportunity for great personal and spiritual growth. Marriage endures through the ages of trends and fads. Marriage thrives, and continues to live as a promise of a beautiful dream come true. As long as individuals are drawn together by love, marriage will be a natural unfolding of that relationship.

Feelings come alive at a wedding. Great happiness, some sadness, some apprehension and sometimes pure relief! There is an acute awareness that something special, something that goes to the very heart of life, is about to happen. Something is gone forever, and something is born, brand new and tender; something to be nurtured and cared for, protected and cherished, challenged and strengthened.

A strong and resilient marriage is not an escape from the world but a contribution to it. Name and Name, may you now combine and strengthen your gifts, to be offered as a distinct and beautiful gift to the world; for the world is in need of the beautiful, and the good, and nothing is better suited to evoke that than a good marriage.

And now you stand before this loving community of family and friends, ready to acknowledge to the world: this is the one with whom I choose to create the rest of my life.
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Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body. Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won't hold them against me, Who loves me when I'm unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who looks for the divine potential of me. Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me, with someone I feel blessed to hold. Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love and friendship, because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements, because marriage do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole. Because knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness. I create me. I take half of the responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness. I create me. I take half of the responsibility for my marriage.  Together we create our marriage.  Because of this understanding, the possibilities are limitless. ​

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.
Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener and critic. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent for a child.
Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly.
Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.
When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.​

Name and Name, do you, with your family and friends as your witnesses, present yourselves willingly and of your own accord to be joined in marriage?

We do

Will you promise to care for each other in the joys and sorrows of life, come what may, and to share the responsibility for growth and enrichment of your life together?

We will

Name, please repeat after me:

I, Name, take you Name, to be my Husband/Wife/Partner-in-marriage
I give to you in the presence of these witnesses
My promise to stay by your side,
In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow,
As well as through the good times and the bad.
I promise to love you without reservation,
Comfort you in times of distress
Encourage you to achieve all of your goals,
Laugh with you and cry with you,
Grow with you in mind and spirit
Always be open and honest with you,
And cherish you for as long as we both shall live​​

Groom/Bride, will you have this woman/man to be your wedded wife/husband/spouse to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Will you love her/him/them? Comfort her/him/them, honor and keep her/him/them, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him/them as long as you both shall live?

Please repeat after me:

In the name of God, I, Name, take you, Name, to be my wife/husband/spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.​

The words below are my opinion.  Do with them what you will.  Every wedding officiant has an opinion.  My goal is to help to inspire you to make your wedding ceremony your own.  If this is not this path to perfection for you, no worries!  You don’t have to write your own vows and I have plenty of material already written you are welcome to use.
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A few years ago, I received the question - How do we write our wedding vows?  
 
I had never really given any thought as to how to write your own wedding vow.  The words and ‘vows’ you share with your partner on your wedding day are thoughts and feelings that come from the heart.  There is no right or wrong.  
 
What they were really looking for was an outline to help them collect and organize their thoughts. 
 
When I’m helping a couple personalize their wedding ceremony they often ask if I need their vows ahead of time or if I need to check them and make sure they are OK.  I don’t.  I’m happy to read them over if you want me to but I would never correct you.  You can’t get it wrong - ever.  I’m certainly in no position to judge your heart!
 
Coupes are sometimes afraid their vows won’t ‘match up’ with their partner’s vows.  I think that’s impossible.  We all have our own ways of expressing ourselves and, by your wedding day, you probably already know enough about your partner to know each other’s hearts and intentions.  
 
I will always remember a wedding I officiated where the groom had pages of vows.  We were all in tears listening to him express his love for his wife and her son.  When he was done, the bride took out a small sheet of steno paper and said exactly the same things in just a few sentences.  It was sincere and perfect. 
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What exactly are wedding vows?  

Essentially, a vow is a solemn promise to do something.  During a wedding ceremony, as your officiant I ask “Do you take this person to be your husband or wife?”  That’s what the law requires.  Are you promising to fulfill the contract of marriage?  There is a feeling of classic romance when I ask these questions - at least I think there is. 
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Beyond the Basic Vow

I  think when many couples are wondering about writing their own vows, they are thinking beyond the basics.  They want to say heartfelt, charming, and fun statements mixed in with the words of undying love.
 
Saying “I promise to love you, honor, respect, make sure we have gummy bears in the house, and not bother you when the Colts are playing the Patriots,” is probably what more people are looking to create as part of their wedding ceremony.  
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Do I have to say Obey?

If you want to promise to “Obey” that’s up to you.  What the two of you agree to in your one marriage is between the two of you.  If you choose to use the statement, that’s something you can write into your own vows. ;-)
 
 
Some couples want to quote the vows they have heard over and over again while watching their favorite movie.  I will love you to Infinity and Beyond! Or, “you and me, we’re in a club now…”  
 
 
Sometimes, everything I’ve written above is all a couple needs to hear and their imagination is sparked enough to take it from here.  Others, appreciate more direction.  Below is my direction. 
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Write Vows for YOU

When the question “do you want to write your own vows?” comes up, so can anxiety!  Many couples very much want to personally express their love for each other on their wedding day, they just don’t want to share it with the 150 people they invited to the wedding.  That is ABSOLUTELY OK!!!
 
Many couples will write their vows for each other and share them privately, before the ceremony.  They may do it during their first look, or, they will read the letters they’ve written for each other alone - with a photographer catching the moment.  They may use those letters as part of a unity ceremony during their actual ceremony creating a memory box or a wine box.  You do NOT have to share your intimacies with everyone!
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Give yourself permission to be honest.

Keeping in mind that  you don’t have to share your heart with the world, just your spouse, give yourself permission to be honest.  You are sitting down by yourself and thinking  your thoughts and feeling your emotions.  It’s part of a process, it’s not necessarily the final draft.  Life is a process!  Marriage is a process!  Enjoy the process!

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The (Not so) ULTIMATE Wedding Vow Writing Guide

Here is the guide I have put together.  It’s a guide to help you to do you. Please feel free to make it your own.   
 
These are some questions I ask couples when we start personalizing their ceremony.  They help me to get to know a couple and come up with ceremony ideas that match the tone of their relationship. They help serve as a way for you to collect your thoughts about your relationship.  Sometimes, we get caught in day to day life and we don’t think about our relationship because we are too busy living our relationship.  These questions can help you focus.
 
No one is ever required to answer the questions.  There might be one question that sparks all of your feelings and emotions.  Or, it may just be fun to answer them all.  


1. What are your hopes for the future?
2. What are three pivotal moments in your relationship?
3. Tell me about your first official date.
4. Tell me about the first time you met.
5. What is (or was) your favorite date?
6. When did you fall in love?
7 Why do you want to get married?
8. Favorite way to spend the day together


Now that your juices are flowing, here are some ways to take the thoughts and put them in some sort of order.​


Who is this person to me?

It could be something like “You are my best friend, partner in crime, mother to my children…”  "My True Companion, my soul mate."  
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What do I love about this person?

It could be one of the 3 pivotal moments in your relationship that made you see that this person is “The One.”  You might tell stories about your relationship here.  “When she made BBQ nachos and started lamenting the end of football season, I knew she was the one for me.”   Or, “when my cat was sick, he took us to the vet and took care of us.”  One groom had moved in with the bride’s parents while he looked for a job in the city the bride had found her dream job in so he could help her pay her rent until he was able to afford the move!

What are you promising?

Some people may just want to be funny, romantic, or serious. You may want to discuss this ahead of time. Maybe the two of you agree, you just want to be funny.   You may want to incorporate a little of everything.  
 
“I promise to support your dreams.”  
“I Promise to march alongside you in protest to support the rights of the underprivileged.”  
“I promise to support your team - unless they are playing my team.”
“I promise to kill the spiders.” 
“I promise to love your children as my own.” 
“I promise not to steal the covers.”  (Pro-tip:  I’ve been married for 30 years.  SEPARATE blankets are a very good idea!)
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Share your hopes and dreams for your future together.

What do the two of you dream of?  (Don’t feel bad if you don’t!)
You are going to buy land and build a house.  You are going to travel through South-East Asia and eat all the bugs sold in the marketplaces.  You are going to work hard to retire by 50.  You are going to have a house, 2 kids and a dog.  You promise to grow old together, getting to know each other a little more each day…
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In Good Times and Bad,  In Sickness and in Health.

You may want to elaborate on the traditional wedding vows.  Some couples say “for richer or richer!”  because they never want to be poor - or they KNOW who of them is high maintenance and they LOVE that about them! COVID has changed a lot of families and relationships, mentioning that could be a poignant moment.  Taking care of each other during pregnancy might be a topic too.  
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End with a bang!

This may be to recite the actual traditional wedding vows with feeling, emotion and gusto! “I take you as my spouse to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part!  You may change these for you.  You may say “for as long as love shall last.” or “Forever and Always.” or anything else you may choose to say. (Pro tip:  Don’t use “for as long as love shall last” unless you have already agreed on that!)
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Now, take what you’ve learned and make it your own. 


Now that you’ve read the guide, make it your own.  The two of you may want to discuss how you want to approach this together.  Maybe you want to keep it light?  Maybe you want to be very serious.  You may want to put some guidelines together as to how you want to approach this part of your ceremony as a team.  You may not want to share personal stories or anecdotes.  That’s perfectly OK. Don’t do anything that embarasses the other person or makes them feel uncomfortable.  Some couples don’t want their ceremony to be personalized in such a way.  That’s perfectly OK.  Just agree on it ahead of time.  


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It’s OK to look for inspiration!  


I’ve collected and share vows from all over.  The one thing I will say is this.  Don’t just use someone else's vows as they are written.  If your partner really wants to write their own vows, they will probably have read many examples.  Don’t just use one of those examples and try to pass it off as your own as it’s already written.  It shows you really don’t care.  At least say something like, “I’m really not good at this, but I’ve been inspired by the words of others to help me express myself…”
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Wedding rings are symbols of the journey taken together, a completion of one chapter and the start of another. ​

The rings are the universal symbols of marriage.  They mean many things.  From now on you will wear these rings and they will remind you...  They will remind you of the endless circle that they are.  Like love, there is no beginning and no end.  They will remind you daily that you are married.  Sometimes they will remind you of the commitment that you have made - for better or worse.  But, may they always remind you that there is one other person in the world that has pledged to love you forever, through thick and through thin and with all that they have. ​